It is important that you have identified that adoption and identity issues are coming up for them. If you are a parent, the most important thing is that you don’t take this personally and that your kids are relying on the solidity of your relationship with them as they explore who they are. Allowing your child the safe space to talk through things and receive reassurance from you can be very impactful as developing self-identity is partly related to messages received from others. Holding this safe space and affirming your child’s experience may help prevent them from filling in the blanks with misinformation.

Since he is older, he needs to have input and a level of control in the decision and working through the pros and cons of this may help him determine what’s best. Affirming his identity as a Russian-American, no matter what decision is made, is very important. I am curious if this is something that your son has expressed interest in already and if so, what does he think will be different if this change occurs.

“Planting the seed” or “throwing pebbles” are small statements that send the message for kids to know that they can talk about things and that it is safe to come back to the topic at a later time. This can be done by making a statement such as, “What’s happening in the world right now seems like it is really hard for people.”

Some kiddos are not as comfortable talking in general about their feelings, and especially when it’s about an emotional subject like the war. Also, your child may not know how they feel or may feel confused about having different feelings at different times. I would leave the door open to the discussion, letting them know that you are available if and when they want to talk and how sharing may be helpful for them. You may also want to share your feelings about the war.

Begin with asking your daughter what she knows about the war and how she feels about it. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, share some of your own feelings. Share with her that you have different and complex feelings. Also, let her know how you are affected by the war: thinking about it a lot, worrying and talk to her about your strategies for managing your emotions. This approach will model that it is ok to have feelings and normalize her emotions. In terms of her displaced feelings, you may want to be curious, and empathize and clarify rather than challenging her.

Make a distinction between the Russian government and the Russian people and explain about the totalitarian form of government in Russia. Also, empathize with the fears she has about being bullied or singled out as anti-Ukrainian. Ask what questions and comments she is most fearful about. If she is willing, role play strategies for responding. She may also want to talk with a therapist who has experience working with adoptees.

This is so unhealthy and so wrong. I would share these exact thoughts with your children in a developmentally appropriate way.

Be curious with the young adults about how they are feeling. Share your feelings. Discuss the complexities of the issues. I would explore together reliable media sources to invite more discussion. Asking what they need from you may be helpful.

I would draw a distinction between the actions of Putin/the Russian government’s actions, and the Russian people. I would talk about the lack of freedom in Russia and focus on the fact that some of the Russian people are protesting.

Role playing and practicing appropriate responses with your child may be helpful. Empower your child to know they have control over if and how they choose to respond. Providing factual information that your child can use to respond may also be useful.

Continue to be curious about what they know and what they are thinking. Share factual information from a reliable source.

Empathize with the myriad of feelings she may be experiencing: guilt, relief, anxiety for her birth family, survivor’s guilt, betrayal, and loss. As best you can, help her to hold those feelings, without trying to problem solve and make them go away. It is important that she knows that you understand the complex feelings she is having.

Empathize with how hard and scary it is to be told this. Role play the ways in which she can respond. Perhaps, more than telling her she will be fine, reassure her that her fear is understandable, and you will stand by her. Ensuring she has some coping skills such as breathing, etc. that she can use to regulate herself when in these situations may help empower to feel in control again.

Give him permission to talk with you when he is ready. Realize that he is processing his feelings even when he isn’t sharing with you. Share with him your own feelings about what is going on. Don’t try to problem solve or make him feel better when he does share. “Hold” the feelings with him.

Education and countering inaccurate statements with factually accurate information. This type of behavior can be due to a lack of knowledge and understanding.

Great questions. Encourage their own voice by listening respectfully and acknowledging their unique way of thinking about the issues as someone who is an adoptee from that part of the world. Give them permission to have lots of mixed feelings and perhaps to change their minds as they process these events.

I would encourage your children to express their feelings as a way to “name and tame them.” Also, provide strategies for enjoying their life in spite of the war. Encourage participation in activities, getting together with friends, being fully in school, getting out in nature. You may want to suggest that they use breathing and grounding techniques to help them cope. Perhaps suggest that it may be helpful for them to talk with a counselor about the war.

You may want to consult with a counselor who has worked with other children who are adopted from Ukraine.

Do some research and find some well-regarded, factual podcasts that address the issue about why the US is reluctant to close the sky.

I would encourage a discussion with the child to understand more about what this means to them. It is important to listen without rushing to their rescue and telling them why they shouldn’t feel this way.

It depends on how old your child is developmentally and emotionally. Find out if there is anything specific that is making them feel unsafe. It is important to reassure younger children that you will keep them safe and that there is no war in the US. Give them facts, show them a map of where Ukraine and Russia are. If the child is older, find out what they know about the war. Your assurances have to be truthful. You can discuss the fact that there is some uncertainty, but the likelihood is that the US won’t get involved in the war.

You can provide the facts about what prompted the unjust treatment of Japanese Americans during WWII and the differences between that situation and this one. Even if it is unlikely that they would ever be treated that way, you can empathize with their anger and fear.

You can discuss all the reasons why he is in the army and help your child empathize with him.

If your children have already be in touch, I would tell the families that your kids are concerned and ask them for guidance about how to communicate with them in a safe way. Advise your kids that they may not get a response.

It is understandable that you have put some new limits on social media use. At the same time, you may want to be curious and ask what your children are getting out of communicating on social media to determine if there are some positive aspects and to be sure that they are getting accurate information.